Books for Prep | |
 - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for YourselfIt is a valuable tool to work on your innner self. Hightly recomended Rating:  - THE PHILOSPHY OF CODEPENDENTIf you agree with the concept of codependent, this might be a good book for you. I found myself completely disagreeing with the author in that she seems to think that her definition of codepedent is a state to be overcome. Nothing could be farther from the truth. One could also define codepedent as passionate, loyal, selfless and honorable. A "real" friend. While it is true, it is not a good idea to get so wrapped up in someone else's life that you do not have a life of your own, at this point our agreement stops. This author seems to feel that people who care, should not. The friend who interceeds to stop another friend from killing themself, is wrong. They should "let them handle their own problems". What ever happens- happens. If a drunk kills someone..it is their problem. If a friend is going through anger and takes it out on you, walk away - it is not convient for you. I find this kind of thinking scary. It is what is wrong with our world. No one cares about anyone but themselves. It is what causes the wars and sucide as others feel alone and abondoned by society. Everyone has weakness. Everyone has faults. Everyone needs others. Caring and reaching out is not one of them. Skip this book and go with your own instincts. It's advice Of course do not let anyone run you, but to care with passion and honor is not wrong. Rating:  - Psycho-babbleBeattie sort of touches on behaviors/experiences that many of us can relate to. I don't think we'd interpret these things in the way that she does (nor give them the managable labels she does), but it does feel good to have these hard-to-define things explained to us by someone who speaks like she knows what she's talking about. I think that causes many of us to accept her interpretation of things and accept her as an expert on the subject. But Beattie, in her affected authoritative tone, rambles all over the place, and it can cause your mind to feel disoriented and confused. And this confused state of mind you fall into while reading her words helps to conceal how Beattie consistently contradicts herself throughout the book. After the first 100 pages or so I felt dizzy at all the confusion she'd stirred in me. Or maybe SHE didn't stir anything up in me - I'm a codependent victim. Sheesh. I think the good feelings this engenders in people is due to people relating to a lot of the same gripes as Beattie. It's nice to see our problems in print - it gives us hope for a solution to these problems. But the good feelings end there. Beattie does more damage than good. The one message that blasts loud and clear out of this book is CARE FOR NO ONE BUT YOURSELF. But then she says that caring for people is good. But don't do it. But you can still love them. But don't. This appears to be a book written by a conflicted woman who obviously has issues, and decided to put in print the neurosis that helped her to cope with these issues. It just makes me feel bad that people may try to implement her ideas/advice in their lives to the destruction of their good relationships. She's advocating being alone -"undependent" of anyone - and taking the "necessary" steps to detach from these relationships. Some abusive relationships may need such severing, but Beattie casts the label of "codependent" under a wide enough umbrella to cover everyone. "Everyone's codependent." So good relationships will be destroyed by following her advice, as well as bad ones. I think that down the road many people who follow her advice and alienate the people who love them in their effort to be "undependent" and "detached" will feel a deeper pain than the one that caused them to pick up this book in the first place. And then they'll just be confused as to why they're unhappy - they did just what Beattie said. It pains me to know that this book is in print. I'm sorry for everyone's individual pain and I hope you find something to soothe it. This book, at best, is destruction disguised as hope. Rating: - Sometimes you get to revisitYears ago I worked with a lot of this material, and a lot of other material, most of it was good. My father died this last winter and stuff started shifting around a bit and at any rate it became apparent that some of what was getting in my way was codependence. I bought this on CD and am now buying it on paper. Clear, concise, smooth, down to earth and a bunch of material where i got to take a breath and process a little bit ... the material is not easy to slip by thinking something along the lines of 'this might be for me, but i can really tell it is for so and so'... so to me (at the moment) it is pretty elegant in its structure. Those who have survived living in dysfunctional families have a weird set of skills and handicaps, this book (especially on CD) seems to slip in between that hodge podge and provide a foundation for moving forward from where-ever you are. For me it has been over 4 years since my life was 'out of control' it would be easy for me to think i no longer had any of this going on, but I heard the cadence in my voice shift when i thought there was some way that i could communicate to make 'things work out well for everyone'. Which started me on 'time to look up this material again and see if maybe i am ready to do more than i did the last time'. It seemed to me that this book was structured well for any number of individuals, someone new to it or someone who knows it all but isn't working it or someone who just got to another stage of life and found some surprises. Anyway it seemed pretty useful to me. Rating: - Co dependant no moreAt this point I love not having to read and having this book on CD is great. I am not all the way through the book, but so far this is an excellent book. Of course with any self help information you get out of it what you put into it. I would recommend this book and for the busy bee having it on CD is fabulous. In association with Amazon.com | |